7. Relentlessly Trolling Jim Ross

 

SummerSlam 1999 - Aug.22.1999

Edge & Christian vs The Hardy Boyz vs Mideon & Viscera vs Droz & Prince Albert vs The Acolytes vs The Holly Cousins

Tag Team Turmoil match

  Things were moving at break neck pace in the WWF in the summer of 1999 so let's not beat around the bush here and get into the background. The Acolytes had dropped the tag belts back to X-Pac and Kane on Raw, the Corporate Ministry had quietly disbanded in early August with Undertaker choosing to go ride motorbikes with Big Show instead and the rest of the group had basically been left to its own devices. Also of note, as they're going to be featuring heavily here, is that Edge & Christian have broken away from Gangel who in turn has formed The New Brood with the Hardy Boyz - no longer palling around with Michael Hayes, weirdly heels now and still searching for a manager who actually suits their act.  

    

    Before the match we get a promo with Michael Cole and Edge & Christian. Cole briefly tells us the rules of the upcoming match, assuring us they are very simple and then immediately getting them wrong as he says that the match is in the Royal Rumble format (it isn't). Edge & Christian are still finding their voices and are still doing their creepy laughter and weird spooky riddles from the Brood days, saying that tonight the Hardy Boyz' blood will spew.

    Contrary to what Cole said earlier, and what Lawler repeats while E&C make their entrance, the format is not Royal Rumble style but gauntlet. Two teams will start and when one team is eliminated the next team enters and it's basically winner stays on. The last team standing will get a shot at the tag titles. The Hardyz - sorry - The New Brood make their entrance next and seeing them do their goth posturing with Gangrel while the Hardyz' music plays looks really bizarre. Why not use the Brood theme? Cool pose though

    

    These four are really starting to get over with the crowd and JR on commentary puts them over strong as high flying innovators. Indeed we're only a couple of months away from these lads changing the industry forever with the WWF's first tag team ladder match. Due to the gauntlet format everyone has limited time to get their shit in and as you can imagine these two teams throw the kitchen sink at it with loads of quick tags and tandem offense. The Hardyz dominate with a lovely double wheelbarrow facebuster that gets a big "ooooh" from the crowd and Jeff hits a Sabu style seated springboard moonsault and a senton bomb for a huge pop. Christian rallies and judging by the squeals in the crowd when Edge gets the hot tag they must have had to mop the auditorium when this one was over.

    We get possibly the first ever instance of Jeff and Edge running the guard rail culminating in a spear in mid air, which still looks as cool as ice today. Christian and Matt both hit big dives to the outside before back in the ring Edge hits WWF SmackDown 2 favourite the Electric Chair Drop to Matt and Christian follows up with a diving elbow drop to eliminate the Hardyz (as always with these teams, legal man syndrome, Edge was legal).

    Viscera and Mideon are in next so you'd be forgiven for thinking the pace is gonna slow down but fair's fair the big lads go to work. I don't care what anyone says, Big Vis is brilliant. He pulls big scary faces on his way to the ring and quickly splatters Christian with a Samoan Drop (which JR calls a fallaway slam). Mideon comes in and does...some stuff... but Viscera is soon back at it and cuts Edge off with his spinning heel kick which basically garners the same reaction from the crowd as Edge and Jeff's mid-air collision a few minutes prior. Viscera accidentally squashes Mideon in the corner allowing E&C to hit a couple of double teams to Viscera, sending the big man to the outside like a sack of shit. Edge hits Mideon with the spear to eliminate the former Ministry members and it seems they've finally learned not to book Phineas Godwinn to carry the bulk of these multi man tag matches.

    After the goths, the necrophile and the pig-farmer-turned-soothsayer the cavalcade of freaks and weirdos continues with Droz & Prince Albert. JR says they are "two free spirited young men" before doing his spiel about Droz's football background. Hilariously Lawler tells JR that nobody gives a damn about where Droz played football or college football and JR gets very mad. His mood isn't helped when Droz attempts a shoulder tackle out of a football stance causing JR to throw a tantrum and yell "aw but nobody cares about that!". Albert meanwhile hits a great looking neckbreaker out of a torture rack to pop the crowd. Edge soon hits the Downard Spiral (remember the Downward Spiral?) on Albert to score the pin after only a couple of minutes from Droz & Prince Albert. Edge & Christian have been in there for about ten minutes already and Droz & Albert are green as grass so it makes sense for them to only have a brief cameo here. 

    

    Basically the second the ref's hand hits the mat for the 3 The Acolytes slide into the ring. So swiftly are Farooq and Bradshaw on the scene that they are actually clubbering Edge & Christian before their music even hits. Lawler is now fully invested in riling JR and says he's waiting for JR to tell us about Bradshaw and Farooq's football careers. Jim has the right hump by now though and says "Well I'm not gonna do it now, you've hurt my feelings" before adding "why don't you tell us about your mayoral campaign, nobody cared about that either!". Put those claws away JR. Bradshaw hits a big powerbomb on Edge and the pace of this one does finally slow as Edge & Christian are clearly knackered and the Acolytes just pound them. Luckily any lull in the action is covered by Jerry delighting in winding JR up even further. I can only imagine that Vince was absolutely pissing himself in the back. Farooq blasts Edge with his Spinebuster which has happened every time they've faced off on PPV; paying your dues, kid. The Holly Cousins just sort of wander down to ringside and they don't have to wait long to take their turn as Bradshaw obligingly smashes Christian with a beauty of a Clothesline From Hell to finally end E&C's heroic run.

    We're down to the final two squads who waste no time in brawling and right away we get a collector's item as Farooq goes for and actually fucking hits The Dominator. Poor Crash.

    There's not a huge amount to say about the action hereafter. The Acolytes just sort of beat up Crash until the Hollys do their fighting cousins routine which allows Farooq to hit the Spinebuster on Hardcore for the win. After all the action with Edge and Christian it feels like watching a 5 minute Raw match tacked onto the end of a really good 15 minute PPV match.

    Nevertheless I would recommend this one. Really pleasantly surprised by it as I have zero recall of the whole affair. Edge and Christian cut a blistering pace and the crowd are hot throughout so it is a shame to admit that things slow down somewhat when Farooq and Bradshaw come in. Even then we get a big Powerbomb and a big Clothesline from Bradshaw and we even get a Dominator so I don't know what more you could ask for. Come for the tag team wrestling, stay for Jerry Lawler relentlessly trolling JR. 

RATING: 6/10

Win/Loss record: 6 - 7

Thanks for reading. Due to lockdown malaise I've really been slacking with these for a couple of months so gonna make an effort to make them more regular from here on in. Join me for the next one which will features one of the most significant PPV debuts of the whole Attitude Era